Navigating the Delicate Topic of Money in a Marriage May 07, 2007《紐時周報全文精譯》探討婚姻中微妙的金錢問題 | |
陳宜君譯 | |
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不會有人告訴你，金錢在婚姻中扮演重大且難以掌控的角色。 Nobody tells you what a big, uncontrollable role money will play in your marriage.
事實上，我最近針對認識的已婚者進行一項不科學的電子郵件問卷調查，發現13人中有10人同意，結婚這些年來，金錢耗費的精力與時間，比性生活多出許多。 In fact, when I conducted a recent unscientific e-mail survey of married people I know, 10 out of 13 agreed that over the years, money has taken up far more energy and time than their sex life. 剩下的3人中，1人表示不同意，1人說「或許」，最後1人則說：「感謝老天，還沒有」，不過她還沒30歲，所以你可以看到我們得到的答案是什麼。 Of the remaining three, one person disagreed, one said Maybe”and the last said,“Not yet, thank God”－ but she isn’t quite 30, so you see what we’re up against.
金錢和婚姻的糾葛其實不在於金錢本身，一開始不是。我和老公在結婚約1年後發現（當然是歷經艱難），主要的問題只不過在於學習如何討論個人財務。 The trouble with money and marriage isn’t even the money, not at first. The main problem is just learning how to talk about your finances, as my husband and I discovered － the hard way, of course － about a year into our marriage.
你 可能會認為，靠撰寫理財文章維生，可能會在這方面有幫助。但結果是一位朋友嘲笑我是騙子、在婚姻中缺乏真正財務親密關係，才迫使我們夫妻開誠布公討論財 務。我很慚愧，但這是實情。所以老公和我同意進行重要的財務會談。這非常痛苦。他和我的收入顯然都不如彼此期望中那樣穩固。他不知道我欠下那麼多債，我也 不知道他債台高築，可以了吧？ You would think that writing about money for a living would have helped. But, in the end, it was a friend who forced us to have an open discussion by mocking me for being a phony and lacking any real financial intimacy in my marriage. I was mortified, but it was true. So my husband and I agreed to have the big money talk. It was excruciating. Neither his income nor mine was quite as robust as, apparently, we both had been hoping. He had no idea I had that much debt － but I didn’t know he had that much either, O.K.? 我們彼此對對方懷有的財務幻象就此破滅，但我們的婚姻得以延續。這整段經驗幫助我了解，某些夫妻如何在妻子從未開過支票，丈夫不清楚太太在婚姻生活中累積財富方式的情況下，攜手邁入60多歲的生活。 Our financial illusions about one another were gone, but our marriage survived － and the whole experience helped me to understand how some couples can enter their 60s, the wife never having written a check, the husband having no idea that his wife managed to save a fortune during their marriage. 談論金錢是一個緩慢培養而來、有時甚至痛苦的技巧，不過這項技巧不可或缺，「婚前功課：現代夫妻的婚姻、財務和婚前協議指南」一書作者妮赫拉．喬德里說：「因為從法律上而言，配偶是你的生意夥伴」。 Talking about money is a slowly and sometimes painfully acquired skill, but it is essential “because legally speaking your spouse is your business partner,” said Nihara K. Choudhri, the author of “What to Do Before ‘I Do’: The Modern Couple’s Guide to Marriage, Money and Prenups.”
還有，你希望婚姻能夠帶來好處。這可能有工於心計之嫌，但我和老公在一起5年後，兩人都領悟到，獲得財務安全和舒適生活的唯一方法，就是發揮團隊精神。 Also, you want your marriage to be a profitable endeavor. That may sound calculating, but after five years together, my husband and I have both realized that the only way to achieve financial security and a comfortable lifestyle is to act as a team. 喬德里建議，害怕赤裸裸公開財務核心的配偶先跳過數字，從兩人共同生活的展望著手。「金錢全都和夢想有關，不論夢想內容是什麼：你是否夢想擁有一個家、生個孩子、創立事業、在某個年紀退休？一旦你們找出有共識的領域，就以此作為討論財務狀況的跳板。」 For couples who are afraid of baring their financial souls, Ms. Choudhri suggests skipping the numbers at first and starting with how you envision your life together.“Money is all about dreams, whatever they may be: Do you dream of owning a home, having a child, starting a business, retiring by a certain age? Once you identify an area that’s common ground, use that as a springboard for discussing your finances.” 根據我的經驗，討論會持續約4到5年，這期間你們可能大多數時候意見相左。喬德里說：「多數配偶不會因此大吵一架，而是像針對一連串金錢問題或某個特殊主題進行長期爭論。」 Based on my experience, that discussion takes about four to five years－ during which you’ll probably spend most of your time disagreeing. “Most couples don’t have one big blow-up,” Ms. Choudhri said. “It’s like a long-running argument over a series of money issues or a particular theme.”
這是因為婚姻似乎會引起財務對立，你和另一半越快接受這個現實，就越容易一起合作。喬德里說：「你們在某些領域會一直無法達成共識，不過試著盡量拉近歧見，讓每個人都有一點轉圜的自由。」 That’s because marriage seems to attract financial opposites － and the sooner you and your mate accept this, the easier it will be to work together. “You will always have areas of disagreement,” she said, “but try to narrow them as much as possible so each person can have a little freedom to operate.”
要做到這點，喬德里補充另一項忠告。她說：「臥房裡不要討論金錢。你們必須在家裡騰出一個不能提及金錢的實體空間。」 To that, Ms. Choudhri added another piece of advice. “Keep money out of the bedroom,” she said. “You need a physical space in your home where money cannot be discussed.”
根據我最近自行調查的結果，我認為這是絕妙的點子。 Based on the results of my own recent survey, I think that’s an excellent idea. By M. P. DUNLEAVEY |
錢的問題，可以造就怨偶，但也能成就佳人。就視乎兩人可否同心協力，為小家庭的研擬更好的財務策略囉。
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